Thriving Under Fire Blog

John Faisandier

Recent Posts

You don't need to fight! Here's how you can switch your brain from emotional to rational.

Posted by John Faisandier on Jan 29, 2018 8:03:00 AM

A couple are commuting to work in their car. There is an easiness between them as they drive along the highway. She, quite innocently, raises the unresolved issue about the high cost of their upcoming holiday.

He experiences this question as an attack. He tenses up and goes silent. That's his usual way of coping when emotions like this arise in him. In that moment he thinks of her and this question as 100% the cause of his uncomfortable feelings.

Read More

Topics: Physical Reactions, Upset People, Difficult Conversations, Difficult customers, Emotions

How One Man Defused a Situation with One Very Simple Skill... 

Posted by John Faisandier on Jan 18, 2018 11:41:22 AM

road-rage-main.png

It's very easy to respond to aggression with aggression... but what if we reacted differently?

 

Alan was out shopping one weekend and couldn’t find a car park anywhere. Since he would only be a few minutes he decided to take a risk and park across the driveway of the business next door to the shop he was visiting.

When he returned to his car, Alan found one very angry business owner, shouting and swearing at him for blocking the driveway and preventing access to his business.

At first Alan was taken aback. His usual reaction would be to fire a rebuttal straight back at the guy. That would have led to a shouting match and he would have driven off in a rage, even though it was his fault the guy was upset in the first place.

But Alan didn’t do that. Instead he remembered the key message from the first session of the TUF workshop he did the week before:

"Acknowledge the Emotion"


Instead of yelling back at the business owner, Alan acknowledged and validated the reason for his aggression. "I guess it must be pretty frustrating having people park here all the time, I'm really sorry".

Surprisingly for Alan, it worked! He was amazed how quickly the guy calmed down. "It was almost instant" Alan exclaimed during the second workshop session a couple of days later.

 “I didn’t really believe it when you told us this last week but I can see that it really does work”.

"Never in the history of calming down, has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down"

 

As with any new way of thinking, a little scepticism is normal, but the proof is in the results. The simple task of acknowledging the feelings of an aggressor, complainant or simply a difficult customer could be the difference between an escalating situation and a peaceful resolution.

Try it! and share your successes with us here at TUF.

Sign up for regular newsletters from TUF for more tips on how to manage emotions in your life.

 

Subscribe For More TUF Tips!

Read More

Topics: Angry, APE, Emotion, Physical Reactions, Upset People, Sceptical

November 2017 Public Workshop Wellington

Posted by John Faisandier on Oct 27, 2017 1:11:09 PM

The next public workshop will be held on

Thursdays November 2nd and 9th 2017

Read More

Topics: Workshops

Three things you can do when someone asks for advice

Posted by John Faisandier on May 15, 2017 3:05:50 PM

(Reading time: 3 minutes)

Read More

Topics: Drama Triangle, Emotional intelligence, Difficult Conversations, Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, EQ, Giving advice, Trust the other

Two keys for good relationships and customer service.

Posted by John Faisandier on Apr 12, 2017 4:11:04 PM

The two key things that make a successful long-term relationship and help in customer service.

Read More

Topics: Emotional intelligence, Upset People, Difficult customers, Emotions, Relationships

Improve your Emotional Intelligence

Posted by John Faisandier on Oct 4, 2016 1:59:38 PM

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) a concept first coined by Daniel Goleman, can be learnt and improved.

Read More

Topics: customer service, Emotional intelligence, Physical Reactions, Upset People, Difficult Conversations, Difficult customers, Emotions, Self-Care

Say 'NO' to zero tolerance in customer service

Posted by John Faisandier on Oct 4, 2016 1:56:27 PM

In a recent review of the TUF Online Training program the writer was pleased that I did not advocate zero tolerance: not letting customers swear or show any kind of aggression. Organisations with a zero tolerance policy towards customers tell people not to swear. If the customer persists in swearing they terminate the call or stop serving them and ask them to leave the premises.

Read More

Topics: customer service, Upset People, Difficult customers, Emotions

You don't have to fight!

Posted by John Faisandier on Sep 13, 2016 11:32:53 AM

The biggest challenge in dealing with difficult situations is to first of all manage your own emotional reactions to them. It is easy to see the other person as difficult and to blame them for your uncomfortable feelings. Acknowledging and accepting your own feelings to yourself is an important first step to making a positive response to someone who you find challenging.

Read More

Topics: Physical Reactions, Upset People, Difficult Conversations, Difficult customers, Emotions

Computers can't do customer service...

Posted by John Faisandier on Jun 22, 2015 2:04:24 PM
Computers just don't get it!
Read More

Topics: customer service, Acknowledge Feelings, Emotion, Physical Reactions, Upset People, Difficult customers, Emotions, Listening

Turning towards, against or away

Posted by John Faisandier on Feb 11, 2015 1:53:14 PM

Three actions that help or hinder happy holidays.

Read More

Topics: Physical Reactions, Upset People, Emotions

Managing Emotions

Learn to deal with difficult customers, colleagues, family and friends

You probably didn't learn these skills at home, and I bet school wasn't much help either. You can develop the skills and understanding to manage the everyday emotional communication challenges through the regular postings on this blog. 

You can:

  • Access free tips to help you
  • Change the way you interact with people
  • Learn to stay calm and in control
  • Build more satisfying relationship
  • Be more relaxed in yourself
  • Enjoy your work more

Subscribe to Email Updates

Recent Posts

Posts by Topic

see all