A controversy in the news today concerns the publicist for the ACT Party, John Ansell, who sacked himself because the party wouldn’t use some of his copy in their advertisements. Leader Don Brash said he was tempted by some of the statements John Ansell used, but in the end toned them down. John Ansell claimed the whole party are cowards because they won’t speak ‘the truth’ about what is going on.
Without getting into the details of the controversy, here are two things we can learn about workplace communication and community dialogue from this incident.
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Topics: Crucial Conversations, Emotion, Conflict Resolution, Difficult Conversations, Don Brash, Feedback, John Ansell, Listening, Perspective, Relationships, Role Models
“Why is she telling me this again, I got it the first time?” Steve thought to himself as he suppressed his annoyance with Jan and wondered how he could finish the conversation quickly.
Steve didn’t realise that he was the one who was prolonging the conversation. He was sure he was listening to Jan. He made eye contact with her and gave her his full attention. He understood clearly what she was saying about the details of the new website and yet somehow she kept repeating herself. Perhaps she needed to go on a communication course.
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Topics: Emotion, Conversations, Difficult Conversations, Difficult Internal Customers, Feedback, feelings, Listening, Thriving Under Fire
Last week I was given a book to read called “The No Asshole Rule:
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Topics: Crucial Conversations, Assholes, Conflict Resolution, Depersonalizing, Difficult Conversations, Difficult customers, Difficult Internal Customers, Thriving Under Fire
I have just returned from Christchurch where I presented a free seminar for businesses and organisations on dealing with angry people in post earthquake Christchurch.
Participants from many sectors recognised the same stresses in their staff and customers.
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Topics: customer service, Emotion, Upset People, Difficult customers, Distress, Feedback, Natural Disaster, Reactions, Stress, Thriving Under Fire
Unhelpful workplace relationships — the Parent–Child dynamic
Posted by
John Faisandier on Mar 24, 2014 11:23:34 AM
In their book Authentic Conversations, Jamie Showkeir , Maren Showkeir and Margaret J Wheatley focus on the way workplace relationships set up a Parent–Child dynamic. The manager or supervisor is cast in the position of the parent — taking responsibility for everything that happens, including employee happiness, security, and success.
The employee is cast in the position of the child — dependant on the manager for approval, for security, and for happiness at work. In their lives outside of work, these same people own and manage properties, raise families, run clubs and otherwise take full responsibility for themselves, but at work that doesn’t seem to count for much.
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Topics: Conversations, Difficult Conversations, Difficult Internal Customers, Ego States, Relationships
My nephew Scott Garvie, a Wellington plumber (see Scotty’s Potties), volunteered to work for a week in earthquake-stricken Christchurch. He discovered that people needed to talk even more than they needed their plumbing fixed — and listening became harder than fixing their toilets! My own experience of talking on the phone with friends from Christchurch confirms this. People who have gone through severe shocks, like the earthquake, desperately want to talk about their experiences.
This makes being a good listener so important.
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Topics: Emotion, Upset People, Distress, Grief, Listening, Natural Disaster, Reactions
When I rang my friend in Christchurch the other night, his 13 year old son answered the phone. “You must have got quite a shake up by the earthquake” I said. “Nah, not really, it was nothing”, he shot back offhandedly. I was taken aback but didn't pursue the conversation at the time.
Later his father told me that he had stopped his son making inappropriate jokes about the earthquake. At that point I saw clearly how this was the boy’s way of dealing with the scary shake.
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Topics: Emotion, Emotions, Grief, Listening, Natural Disaster, Reactions, Stress
A story in the Wellington Weekend paper told of a participant from the TV show New Zealand’s Next Top Model who spoke openly about other contestants. She became very unpopular with the other models because of the way she delivered her forthright opinions of them. (She was popular with the TV network because she provided the drama to make their programme interesting.)
She said she was only saying to people’s faces what everyone else was saying behind their backs.
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Topics: Crucial Conversations, Friends, TV, Difficult Conversations, Difficult People, Feedback, Role Models
People need to be heard. The protests in Egypt show that if people are not acknowledged they will keep on expressing themselves until they are heard.
President Mubarak has not been listening. He comes up with all kinds of excuses as to why he shouldn’t step down as President of Egypt. Because he isn’t listening the people shout louder and more of them join the protest.
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Topics: Upset People, Difficult Conversations, Listening
Excellent service requires excellent communication
Posted by
John Faisandier on Mar 21, 2014 12:53:22 PM
I was staying in a hotel recently and rang down to the restaurant to order a meal which I said I would come down to eat immediately as I was going out shortly.
I ended up waiting nearly 30 minutes for my meal. The staff, who I see regularly, were all very friendly and nice but they somehow didn’t take me seriously that I wanted my meal in a hurry.
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Topics: customer service, Upset People, Difficult Conversations